Hutong Rant Review

It’s difficult to get a table at The Shard’s Hutong restaurant, but I managed to get one for my partner’s birthday at 10:30pm (the only time available that evening), by booking three weeks in advance.

Jay Rayner had said that the food was good, but that the high price was really for the view and the ambience. I was OK with that because it would feel special for a birthday and ‘good’ was good enough. Sadly, it wasn't good, it was bad.

Due to friends dropping by unexpectedly with birthday bubbles we were running quite late. I tried to call Hutong (number not on their website so found it on Google), but the answer machine was on some kind of faulty loop, so it wasn’t possible to get through. I emailed to explain that we were running 20 minutes late, would that be OK and if so to please hold the table for us.

I got there 25 minutes late and rushed in while my partner found somewhere to park. They didn’t know anything about my email but I was relieved when it didn’t seem to be a problem and they took me to a window table.

On the way to the table I was told the kitchen would be closing in four minutes and I would have to order for my guest. As soon as I sat down I was given a menu and the waitress stood next to me while I chose our dishes. I was reminded about the strict four minute deadline.

Seconds after giving the order, Birthday Boy arrived and wanted to change a dish but was told it was too late. “You’re very late, aren’t you?” a waitress commented.

The view is still there

Nevermind, we ordered champagne and shortly after it was poured, our first starter of 'Sichuan peppered cuttlefish with ma la chilli sauce’ arrived, and it was very good; well-spiced, tasty and tender. I thought it was a bit strange that our other starter didn’t arrive at the same time for this style of dining. Also, our second starter was ‘Thinly-cut pork belly with cucumber slices marinated in a chilli and garlic sauce’, but the cuttlefish arrived on a bed of cucumber, so it could have been cucumber overload.

But the pork never materialised. After ages of waiting, a waiter came with the dessert menu, asking us to order before he closed his dessert operation for the night. We asked him to check on the progress of the cold pork starter. Another long wait. Then our main arrived, followed by the dessert waiter. He explained that the pork had run out. We explained why it was annoying that no-one had told us and we hadn’t been asked whether we'd like to select something else. He didn’t get it, and rudely argued with us but our angry response to him blaming us for being late sent him scuttling to the manager.

Mains: The salt and pepper soft-shelled crab was horribly greasy and under-seasoned. I couldn’t taste any spices. The coating was completely soggy and oozed oil as I chewed. I’ve had better at my local Chinese. The pile of plain crabs were presented in the middle of a preposterous ring of decorative dried red peppers.

The marinated, braised and ‘crispy’ deep fried de-boned lamb ribs were tasty and well-seasoned but chewy and again very greasy. And not crispy. The egg-fried rice was nice.

The dessert waiter returned to mumble apologies and say we could have free desserts to make up for the mistake with our starter.

I gave Birthday Boy my dessert. The lychee ice-cream was nice. Nothing special but not actively bad. The mango rolls were actively bad; dry and tasteless with tiny mean cubes of mango inside the rubbery rolls that looked like they’d been drying out on a windowsill for a few hours.

All the waiting staff had disappeared. We waited and waited but no-one was around. I (half-) jokingly suggested doing a runner, as it seemed we had been abandoned and the evening had been so shoddy and infuriating that I wasn’t keen on paying for it. When I started wandering around to get attention someone eventually turned up and allowed us to pay. He asked how the dessert was. We told him. He smiled and nodded and didn’t care or register our diplomatic criticism of the mango rolls.

We could have enjoyed the view and continued our evening at the bar downstairs but by that time just wanted to get out of the building. Such a shame. A ruined birthday treat.

If I’m late for a booking (even having done everything I could to warn the venue), I do understand if I have to order quickly, but other than that the service and food should be the same as at any other time. It’s the same price. If you don’t have time to give customers the experience they’re paying for don’t let them in. If I’d known that I would be treated like a naughty child, had my order messed up, endured poor and unaccommodating service and received unacceptable food for a sky-high price, I would have gone elsewhere. I know it was late in the evening to find somewhere else, but a kebab would have been preferable.

UPDATE: When I tweeted my review to Hutong they responded to apologise and asked if I had contacted them before posting the review. I said that I had filled in a survey from the booking company with my contact details but no-one had been in touch, which made me feel they didn't care and resulted in the blog post. They investigated and found that the booking company had not been passing on all feedback (negative feedback). Huntong said they had used my experience to improve training and bollock the booking company, and offered me a bottle of Champagne at the venue. I appreciated the offer, very pleasant communications, explanations and investigation, but would feel uncomfortable drinking Champagne somewhere I'd complained about.

Roux at Parliament Square - Review

This is the new restaurant by Michel Roux Jr., who doesn't currently have a resident chef - Dan Cox left after a few weeks in the job.

Reviews in the papers have been mixed, but all agreed that the decor was really boring and "a sea of beige". I disagree! It is muted, yes, but the main effect is really comfortable in a classy way - nice. Not too much actual beige.



Pretty aperitif nibbles were followed swiftly by delightful amuse bouches of velvety baby carrot soup, and then starters. All a little too speedy and lots of flouncy table-waiting. Even the smallest of items seemed to require one waiter to hold a silver tray, while two others fussed around the table.

The Albert Roux (Lenoble) Grand Cru Blanc de Blanc champagne (£12 a glass) was excellent, with loads of flavour. It was so good, I'm going to buy some online.

My butter-poached langoustines were most enjoyable, but there were errors; not particularly buttery and one of my crustaceans wasn't cooked through - lucky I like raw seafood. The summer truffle accompanying the langoustines was thankfully boosted by some mushroom purée. I was looking forward at last to experiencing the elusive flavour of summer truffle, but I didn't. That's the last straw - I won't expect flavour from summer truffle ever again. I wish that restaurateurs would always use Italian white truffles or Périgord black truffles in winter, and truffle oil - even just nature-identical - for summer dishes. At least the fake oil tastes of something!

The veal main course was really outstanding. It would not be possible to find meat that was more tender and juicy. Everything - the fillet, summer vegetables and sweetbread - was perfectly cooked, and the smoked pomme mousseline was delectable and matched the rest of the dish perfectly. Great to be able to taste the smokiness, and the creamy potato was laden with butter but still light and delicate.

The pre-dessert was a lovely fruity concoction, but a bit unnecessary. It was unfortunately more enjoyable than my main dessert. The peach soufflé looked magnificent and was beautifully light, but it was far too sweet, and tasted of egg. I couldn't taste much peach other than from the few tiny cubes of peach at the bottom. The overwhelming sweetness was enhanced by crispy caramel bits, while my poor taste buds were screaming for some tangy peach coulis (or a cup of tea) to rescue them, but to no avail.

I even ate a petit four - dark chocolate flaked with gold, around a lovely strawberry 'crunchie' - to dull the sweetness, and it did help slightly!

The meal at Roux was certainly special. Critics have said it is well overpriced (£55 for three courses), but I'm not so sure - the ingredients and attention to detail were top-notch, and if there had been no mistakes, it would not have been overpriced. Maybe I caught them on an off-day? It is true, though, that for that price, there shouldn't ever be mistakes.

I'd have been happier with a less fussy service and no culinary errors, but the experience was generally very worthwhile.

Amberley Castle - Review

I grew up near Amberley Castle and my parents still live closeby. Imposing medieval ramparts surround the grand hotel and restaurant, about which I had heard enticing snippets - fairytale wedding receptions (we see the newly-weds' helicopters taking off and landing there), sumptuous rooms, absolutely top-notch meals in the plush dining room and whopping prices.

To justify the prices, I saw staying there as a life experience, and took advantage of their autumn deal - £350 for dinner, bed and breakfast for one night. Ouch. Ignoring that, my companion and I were absolutely going to make the most of this and were really excited to drive up towards the huge floodlit stone walls and wide towers, and through the portcullis.

The welcome was warm and down-to-earth - really helpful and pleasant staff. We were taken up grand and then narrow stairs to our large, beamed room in the roof, with lovely gas fire that had actual fire-like flames. Nice bathroom. Huge bed. Fabulous original features and great interior decor. We had to get the sheets changed, as they seemed to have sand in them, but that sort of problem can happen anywhere. I lifted the table cloth on the curved dressing table to find that it was constructed out of MDF. Come to think of it - I thought - the carpet on the stairs was quite scruffy.


Lovely fire

I tried not to feel disappointed. But couldn't help wondering how people could make such a very real castle feel like a fake one...

Anyway, I ignored all that and got dressed up for supper, my companion looking dapper, and we made our way to the dining room.

Dinner

The dining room was hushed. I loved the gas fire in the bedroom - like having a real fire but without the responsibility - but I was let down by having a larger version in the dining room, because I had expected a real log fire, complete with crackles and woodsmoke smell. Even a little one would have been nice. Apart from that, the suit of armour and old portraits on the stone walls made for a suitably castley room.

The hushedness was almost deafening and made me want to be rowdy. Everyone was whispering. Even in the poshest restaurants people should surely be enjoying their meal and each other's company, rather than acting like they're at a funeral wake? How did Amberley Castle manage to create this sombre atmosphere that obliged whispering?

I am not going to go into massive detail about the meal, but give an overview: Imaginative and enticing menu, pretty food, lovely flavours, several basic mistakes (e.g. over-cooked sweetbreads). The dishes didn't match up to the descriptions on the menu. The sommelier's advice was difficult to extract and was off the mark. The waiter didn't listen to my questions properly - he was distracted.

All-in-all, it was a special meal, but not in any way deserved of all the hushed pomp it was served in. I enjoyed the food but the price made it hard to swallow, especially as the deal did not include any wine! Another £40...


Medieval dining room

If I had eaten the meal in more normal circumstances it would have been great, but high prices make you notice every negative detail and each slip feels like you're being sold faulty goods. Ditto the rooms.

After supper, we found that our champagne glasses had been taken out of our bedroom. We immediately rang reception but there was no answer. We left the room to go to reception, but suddenly the castle was dark and silent. We had only left dinner a few minutes earlier, but now everyone had gone home or gone to bed! We called out, went to the kitchen, but couldn't find another soul. In the end, we just took some glasses off the tables that were laid for breakfast and tip-toed back to our room.

Breakfast

Breakfast was excellent. Tasty local sausages, plenty of choice, all really good. The dining room seemed friendlier in the morning, and the fire was less conspicuous and more cosy on that blustery wet day. Very enjoyable indeed.

Conclusion

Hugely overpriced. For what they are charging, everything should be perfect and proper - far less pomp and way more attention to detail. I had been so excited about my stay but by the time I left I could no longer ignore all the things I had been ignoring, and overall felt an underwhelming disappointment. And a bit ripped off. And slightly indignant. Nice castle, though.